Wardrobe Change...or is it Life Change?

So something new has been occurring recently in our home with Laineybug. Shortly before she turned three a few days ago she began starting this thing where, A- she only wants to wear a dress (even though it's freezing here most days), and B- she want's to change dresses every two hours throughout the day! You can imagine what my laundry room has looked like lately. It sure made birthday shopping easy this year, dresses of course made up the majority of her gifts, one's with sweater's at that to try and prevent her from freezing her arms off!

I have to admit that it does get frustrating, and I have tried to get her to stop this annoying little habit. But, I know that this too will pass and I'll soon be looking back and missing these days. In the midst of helping her with her fourth wardrobe change of the day earlier this week, I started to think about something deeper. I thought about how easy it is for my daughter to drop everything and change in and instant, carefree, making sure that each day she wears every dress she wants to wear. It made me envious in a way, not about actually changing clothes over and over, because yes I could do that if I really wanted to, but changing to ensure you are the person you want to be. Or changing day to day to live the part of your life you want to live. 

I think we would all admit that we have things in life we would love to live out, but do not want to make the change to make it possible. Someone once told me "I think that everyone lives four or five different lives." I now have a deeper understanding of what they meant and my own thoughts on it as well. Is that we are just to afraid to change into the one person we want to be, so we live different lives around different people? Is it the fear we have of the way some will look at us if they know how we live one side of our life, so we only live another side of our life around them? Maybe it's that we are so wrapped in our self, that we fail to see that the ones closest to us are living separate lives without us, but yet do not want to make the change to fix it once we do realize it.

In any case, I will try to be more open to change. It's something that I have been struggling with lately, but that's a whole 'nother post! In the meantime, I will indulge my sweet daughter's obsession with changing dresses more times a day than I count. And I will also need to buy more laundry detergent to wash them all!

Flawless.....Not so Much!

I'm the first to admit that I am a big Beyonce fan. I think she is beautiful in every sense of the word- vocally, in physical appearance, and in personality. I love her voice, the sound of her singing Halo, live, will stop me in my tracks. In the past I have had words of her music sprawled across my Facebook page, playing on my Myspace page, and yes indeed, Halo is one of my favorite ring tone's on my iphone. But I've discovered that there are some lesser known songs by Beyonce out there that grab a hold of me and put me a place that few others do. Like the song that Ellen said was her very favorite when Beyonce was on her show. It one that I had never heard of before for some reason until that day, and she sang it live on Ellen's show. The song titled Flaws and All. "I don't know why you love me, and that's why I love you, you catch me when I fall, you accept me, flaws and all..." Now at the time, all I did was sit listen to the beautiful sound emitting from the t.v. But as I thought about the song over the next few weeks, and looked up the words, as I often do for way too many songs every song I hear that I like, the words began to cycle through my head.

Perfect is something that I am far from, never have claimed to be, never will. In fact, I am hugely flawed and imperfect. Most of the time I accept my flaw's and move on, after all, I was created flawed in His image, and those flaw's are a part of what makes me "me." But sometimes I really start to look at my flaw's and question them. Are they just flaw's or are they my flaw's for a reason? Are my flaw's there to show me the change I need to make within myself, or to try and drive me closer to someone that I should be? Are the purpose of my flaw's to mold me into the person I'm meant to be, should I not fight my flaw's so much, but rather succumb to them once in awhile? Or perhaps are my flaw's meant to open my eyes to the person I'm capable of becoming, but don't want to become, because maybe that person is not the best person to be. 

I struggle with some flaws more than other ones, maybe due to the way a particular flaw makes me feel about myself, or maybe for fear of the way others would view me if they truly knew all of my flaw's. Let's be honest, most people don't really like to be very open about the flaw's they possess. After all, as beautiful as Beyonce's song is, it is a rare thing for someone to love and accept us flaw's and all.  So as I try to come to terms with, and accept my flaw's for what they are, I've stopped trying to wish and pray some of them away, for perhaps those flaw's are in me for a reason that I am not meant to understand. And yes even the one's that I bury deep down in shame, after all I am what I am, flaw's and all.

Fearless...Someday

Taylor Swift, boy can she sing...and write a song that will tug at your every heart string!!! She is one of my favorite singers, actually, the words in her songs are some of my favorite. I really like love songs, I can usually take a song and relate it's words to my own life or feelings, as I'm sure so many others can. But there are some singers that put out entire CD's that can instantly bring me to tears, or elation, with their words, because I can relate so closely to what they are singing, Taylor is one of those singers, Colbie Caillat is another, but I won't go there for fear that I'll never stop!

One of the first things I do when I buy a new CD is immediately pull out the coverlet and go through the words of each song. At the very back of Taylor's Fearless CD I found this, where she explains what being fearless means to her-

"Fearless is not the absence of fear. It's not being completely unafraid. To me, Fearless is having fears. Fearless is having doubts. Lots of them. To me, Fearless is living in spite of those things that scare you to death. Fearless is falling madly in love again, even though you've been hurt before. Fearless is walking into your freshman year of high school at fifteen. Fearless is getting back up and fighting for what you want over and over again...even though every time you've tried before, you've lost. It's Fearless to have faith that someday things will change. Fearless is having the courage to say goodbye to someone who only hurts you, even if you can't breathe without them. I think it's Fearless to fall for your best friend, even though he's in love with someone else. And when someone apologizes to you enough times for things they'll never stop doing, it's Fearless to stop believing them. It's Fearless to say "you're NOT sorry", and to walk away. I think loving someone despite what people think is Fearless. I think allowing yourself to cry on the bathroom floor is Fearless. Letting go is Fearless. Then, moving on and being alright...That's Fearless too. But no matter what love throws at you, you have to believe in it. You have to believe in love stories and prince charming's and happily ever after!!! Love is Fearless." Taylor Swift

Wow, that spoke volumes to me when I first read it! From someone so much younger to me, to have already figured all that out!!! I am far from being fearless, this I know, but I recently told one of my very best friends that it's fearless to believe that someday you WILL be fearless!!! There are a few things in Taylor's fearless story that I should do right now, but simply don't yet have the courage to do...I hope that someday I too will be fearless! I'm sure many have already heard about or read Taylor's fearless story, but I wanted to share it anyway since it's so touching and maybe it will inspire you to be fearless today!

New Year's Reso....What?

Oh, New Years Resolutions, yeah, I don't think I'll be making any of those this year! After all, I never seem to make it trough the whole year sticking to them anyway. I'll think instead, I'll just remain in close prayerful contact with my Father, and lean on Him to help me through the New Year!

If I were to make some resolutions, which I'm not, I imagine they would be things such as, I will go to the gym at least 4 times each week, or, I will really make it through my 365 Day Bible in 365 days this year! Maybe even something like, I will not spend time focusing on things that I have no control over, or let people hurt me when they plainly don't care enough to not hurt me. Something along the lines of, I will not loose my patients and get snippy with my children when they ask me over and over again the same thing in the same fifteen minute time span! Never mind, I'm always patient at all times, ahem, anyway, lets move on! After all, the only one that would realistically maybe happen ALL year, might be the gym one, but who's counting!

Whatever my resolutions may have been, you know, if I were to make them, they are already covered. I know that all I need to do is lean on God and be prayerful in all I do, and He will ensure all of my needs are met, that as long as I put time aside for Him each day, then He will ensure time for everything else, that through Him, I can change into the person He intends for me to be! So if I were to make just 1 resolution, I would say it would have to be that I resolve to spend this next year striving to be to woman that God fully intends for me to be! I hope that God richly blesses you in 2010, all your prayers are answered, and the unanswered ones...well, I've learned sometimes God knows what He's doing with those too Unanswered Prayers!

Not Me! Monday!!!

Welcome to Not Me! Monday! This blog carnival was created by MckMama. You can head over to her blog to read what she and everyone else have not been doing this week. After all, who couldn't use the chance at a last minute end of the year honesty session without being judged for it!!!

This week I in no way waited in line at Wal-Mart for 20 minutes to check out on Christmas Eve, with only 5 items in my arms, simply because I failed to take a list to the store with me earlier in the week, and then failed to return to said store before the mass Christmas Eve crowds hit! No way, I 'm way to prepared for that sort of thing!!!

I most certainly did not go to the mall one day last week and return with my own Christmas gift,  to ensure I would get exactly what I wanted, even though I was given specific instructions by my husband "do not buy your own gift!" I would never do such a thing as save my husband the joy of fighting the Christmas crowds to spend hours searching for the perfect gift in an overcrowded mall!

You will not find my Christmas cards still sitting in my car waiting on stamps, because I would never let something so small as moving across the country right before the holidays, or you know, a week at Disney World, get in the way of something so important as our family Christmas cards! Good thing I made them Happy New Year's, we've moved cards this year!!! (Guess I should head to the post office as soon as this post is up)

Last week I in no way was bribing sweet Laineybug with chocolate to encourage her to use the potty! I would never bribe my children, nope, never, not me!

Wordless Wednesday...Sort Of

Where do you find your joy...

Unanswered Prayers...

While I'm usually fairly good about not questioning the why's of things, okay, who am I kidding, I'm really bad about it...but I'm trying to get better (still working on that whole contentment thing!) I AM good at knowing that in due time God's time, all the why's become more than clear! Even all those unanswered prayers...or what we maybe just thought were unanswered prayers!

Awhile back I did a Not Me Monday, one of my favorite blogs to do by the way, just in case you were wondering...you weren't, oh sorry, well now you know! Anyway, it was this about God answering a prayer that I've been praying for years, and me being in denial about Him answering it simply because it wasn't in the exact manner I had been requesting! Imagine that, that He would do things His way rather than mine! Well, shortly after that post it became very clear, that that specific prayer was to still remain unanswered!

Now at the time, I met this with great frustration, as I had no understanding why it was to be this way. I try most times really hard to let most things go, and know that it's allready laid out for me, and no amount of worry I do, will change the course of any of it. But being human, and created to a fault, I can't help but question it sometimes. And question it, I did! Have I recieved answers, not really. Am I okay with that? Right now, yes. I've realized that as hard as is to not have this prayer answered, maybe I don't really want it answered! Of course someone else allready knows that, and maybe that's why for years, this certain prayer has remained unanswered.

As I write this I truly have no idea why this prayer is to remain unanswered but I know that for today I'm gratefull it isn't. I also know that someday it will become very apparent why it was never to be answered, someday maybe a month from now, it maybe five or ten years from now, all I can do is be patient and wait! And being patient is something I'm so very good at (insert large amounts of sarcasm here!!!) One thing I'm sure of is that I'm thankfull for both answered and unanswered prayers...